a fist to the face [entries|friends|calendar] ratherbenowhere [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[Wednesday 08:04] add my new journal. thanks. have a good day. REPLY

SHITS "FRICKIN" OFF THE HOOK!! [Tuesday 11:16] [ mood | fuck off. ] my life is seriously amazing. so is jennas jens shelleys gabes joshs erics kendalls allies and jarods and adams and kevins and johnnys(he doesnt want to be included) too. all of our lives together equal one bad ass life. horray for being amazing. READ 17 or REPLY

1,2,3, fin. [Tuesday 07:49] [ mood | aggravated ] first of all, go suns. second of all, my bladder is sick. third of all, i feel like punching every beam of light and sharp sound in this office. kill me. REPLY

there is a time and a place, this is neither the time nor the place. [Monday 01:21] [ mood | sad ] what's been said and this guilt I can't shed. It still rings in my ears - Oh, get out the butcher's knife. I've been screaming for years but it gets me nowhere just get out the butcher's knife. That organ's playing my song, but this song's gone on too long. What a day to sever such ugly extremities. "What a lovely day", says the butcher as he raises his arm. REPLY

[Monday 07:26] [ mood | thirsty ] this weekend was crazy. my mind is still a mess. REPLY

my little i am poem. [Sunday 09:41] [ mood | destroyed. ] I am all the wrong in the right. I wonder what it would be like. I hear the words of inspiration so close, but so out of my hands. I see what i need. I want it within reach. I am all the wrong in the right. I pretend i dont know whats going on. I feel so many wrong emotions for all the wrong reasons. I touch the arm of the one i love. I worry that someone can see through me. I cry a thousand times a day. I am all the wrong in the right. I understand why there is pain. I say "you have to work at being happy, and that is why it is so easy to be miserable" I dream.. only he knows my dream. I try to ignore it. I hope i can get over it. I am all the wrong in the right. REPLY

driftwood [Friday 02:46] [ music | cursive ] He swam steadily for most of the day. Suddenly he found himself approaching an enormous floating cavern. Could it be an island? Pinocchio looked closer and he saw two huge rows of sharp, yellow teeth and he realized his mistake. So he would sulk and drink and mope and cross his arms and hope to die. And then a fairy came one night to bring this sorry boy to life. She pulled some strings and spun him about. That boy sprang up and began to shout, "My arms, my legs, my heart, my face they're alive!" And she would cry, "Liar, liar! What have I done? You're no lover, and I'm no fighter." (The story goes on) So he would buy her things and kiss her hair to show he was for real. And she would take those gifts and kisses though just stringing him along. She knew about those wooden boys- it's an empty love to fill the void. "Pinocchio! Oh boy, how your nose has grown!" So he would cry, "Liar, liar! I'll prove it to you!" But then it grew He had grown tired of her So it was true He left her apartment And he walked all night long 'til he was stopped by the shore of the ocean. But still he walked on, amongst the whales and the waves, and screamed "Liar, liar!" And his wooden body floated away. He just drifted away. And now I wonder how i was made... my arms, my legs, my heart, my face, my name is Driftwood READ 1 or REPLY

[Thursday 01:22] [ mood | swooned ] today will be a good day after all. READ 2 or REPLY

Weird Facts [Thursday 11:02] [ mood | impressed ] Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there. Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush. The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood plasma. No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times. Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes. The king of hearts is the only king without a moustache. Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning. The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets. Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin. The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer. Pearls melt in vinegar. The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order. It is possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs. A duck's quack doesn't echo and no one knows why. Turtles can breathe through their butts. On average, 100 people choke to death on ball-point pens every year. Elephants are the only animals that can't jump. Women blink nearly twice as much as men. It's physically impossible for you to lick your elbow. The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building. A snail can sleep for three years. No word in the English language rhymes with "MONTH." Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing. All polar bears are left handed. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out. Almost everyone who reads this email will try to lick their elbow READ 1 or REPLY

[Wednesday 10:31] [ mood | anxious ] Can we please plan a trip to either Las Vegas or somewhere in California for July.. Just for a weekend. Toward the end of the month. And a camping trip for one weekend in either June or July. I am feeling a strong urge to explore! come on. Josh? Kendall? Eric? Gabe? Shelley? Jenna? Jen? Anyone? LETS GO!!! we need to get this shit out of my system. STAT! READ 3 or REPLY

[Wednesday 07:55] [ mood | okay ] not much to say, lots of work to finish today.. the suns won cause i left. go suns. tonight i rest it up so i can be awake for tomorrow night. im sure we'll be out late. lets throw a birthday party for dustin. or something. his birthday is on the 30th. and he is 18. good idea. thanks kendall. REPLY

exactly. [Monday 11:16] [ mood | gwen ] [ music | good ol gwen. ] There's times where I want something more Someone more like me There's times when this dress rehearsal Seems incomplete But, you see the colors in me like no one else And behind your dark glasses you're... You're something else You're really lovely Underneath it all You want to love me Underneath it all I'm really lucky Underneath it all You're really lovely You know some real bad tricks And you need some discipline But, lately you've been trying real hard And giving me your best And, you give me the most gorgeous sleep That I've ever had And when it's really bad I guess it's not that bad You're really lovely Underneath it all You want to love me Underneath it all I'm really lucky Underneath it all You're really lovely So many moons that we have seen Stumbling back next to me I've seen right through and underneath And you make me better I've seen right through and underneath And you make me better Better... better... You've used up all your coupons And all you've got left is me And somehow I'm full of forgiveness I guess it's meant to be You're really lovely Underneath it all You want to love me Underneath it all I'm really lucky Underneath it all You're really lovely You're really lovely Underneath it all You want to love me Underneath it all I'm really lovely Underneath it all And you're really lovely are you feelin it? im feelin it. READ 1 or REPLY

[Monday 07:34] [ mood | grateful ] this weekend was busy. i spent most of it in my car. a tank of gas went in 3 days. thats unusual for me. i still cant believe i missed dis name. im a moron. way to go suns. 20 dollars wasted. this morning i was doing my hair and sadie made my flat iron drop on my ankle. i think i have 3rd degree burns.. my skin is white and burning and pretty much looks dead. its gross and painful. and i refuse to touch it. good things will be going on this weekend. im excited for friday and saturday, more so saturday though. i love birthday parties. we should go out to dinner tonight. anyone down? READ 1 or REPLY

o m g [Friday 11:33] [ mood | happy ] "the light rale wont work.." "its on a rail!" "ya! and its not as fast as light." hilarious!!! READ 1 or REPLY

[Thursday 07:57] [ mood | sad ] no jenna today = boo. READ 1 or REPLY

now, lets all pretend. [Wednesday 12:41] [ mood | cool ] i dont know what really is going on. and for the first time. i dont want to. i just cant care anymore. it hurts too bad. READ 3 or REPLY

[Wednesday 08:37] [ mood | loved ] midol makes me feel awesome. woo. party at work.. my brain has stopped for now. thank god. sorry for freaking out on you jonathon joyce. much love for not freaking out back. i think i am going to take this stuff more often. REPLY

[Tuesday 01:32] i finished all my work again. i dominate the files. there is def. something weird going on inside me. i keep on getting these horrible sharp pains in my lower back. and it feels like there is someone tieing knots with my guts. my legs are sore too. i need a nap very badly. hopefully sadie will let me take one when i get home from work. i need to see a doctor. lunch was delicious. everyone loves free large sodas and cinnamon twists. as soon as 10 passed the day started to fly. today i am learning something new. i love that i am starting to feel like i kinda know what i am doing. sadie passed out on the way home last night. she didnt even have enough energy to cry when we put her in bed. i love her cute tired face. i am celebrating mothers day for myself on sunday. she might be a puppy, but she is still my little girl, and i love her like she is my own. im sure ill write more later. i have alot on my mind. REPLY

im secretly a sports fan. [Tuesday 07:28] [ mood | okay ] last night was crazy. i had a good time, going crazy all over the place. sorry jen and kendall for standing in the line of fire. and thank you jen and jenna for helping me watch.. sadie... not jenna... i can tell you who we didnt see.. and i hope that means a new truck! go suns. take me to a game. i love going to games. im getting really good at packing my lunch. whats going on this weekend? hello tuesday. =D READ 6 or REPLY

hello monday. [Monday 10:53] [ mood | great! ] today, i finished my work by myself. thats crazy, who woulda though? i guess its good to know that if jenna needs a day off she can take one. i packed my lunch again today. gotta love turkey. my body is feeling kinda odd.. a little swollen.. i dont know, i just feel weird in the belly region. time is zooming by. im in a great mood. REPLY

[Friday 07:38] [ mood | nervous ] [ music | linger- the cranberries. ] i talked to some old friends last night, it was good to hear from them. but i also remember why i had to pull myself away from them in the first place. im not very funny today. but jen, you will be glad to know that i packed my lunch today.. with a turkey sand. and.. string cheese.. =D but then i bought breakfast this morning and that defeated the purpose of doing so.. but i was very hungry. sadie slept with me for a long time last night. until like 11 or 12.. but then she was snoring too loud and i had to put her in her bed. but it was cute.. when i went to bed i put her in her bed but then after i was asleep she jumped the gate and crawled into bed with me. its weird that she is big enough to jump onto the bed now... i remember when she couldnt even see the top of the mattress. aaww now i miss her.. she sleeps on my feet every morning when i am getting ready for work.. what a doll. ciao. READ 3 or REPLY

[Tuesday 07:24] [ music | point of no return- phantom. ] You have come here In pursuit of your deepest urge In pursuit of that wish which till now Has been silent, Silent. I have brought you that our passions may fuse and merge, In your mind you've already succumbed to me, dropped all defenses Completely succumbed to me. Now you are here with me, No second thoughts, You've decided, Decided. Past the point of no return, No backward glances, Our games of make-believe are at an end. Past all thought of “if” or “when”, No use resisting Abandon thought and let the dream descend. What raging FIRE shall flood the soul? What rich desire unlocks its door?What sweet seduction lies before us? Past the point of no return. The final threshold, What warm unspoken secrets Will we learn? beyond the point of no return. You have brought me To that moment when words run dry, To that moment when speech disappears Into silence, Silence. I have come here Hardly knowing the reason why. In my mind I've already imagined Our bodies entwining Defenseless and silent. Now I am here with you no second thoughts,I've decided,Decided. Past the point of no return no going back now, Our passion-play has now at last begun. Past all thought of right or wrong. One final question, How long should we two wait before we're one? When will the blood begin to race? The sleeping bud burst into bloom? When will the flames at last CONSUME us?! Past the point of no return, The final threshold. The bridge is crossed So stand and watch it burn! We've passed the point of no return. Say you'll share with me One love, one lifetime. Lead me, save me from my solitude. Say you want me With you here Beside you. Anywhere you go Let me go too, thats all I ask of you. things always seem to work out. that feeling in my stomache that i thought could only be fixed by abandonment(sp?), is gone. here's to another two years.. "clink".. ladies, lets throw a get trashed party. we've been working way too hard. READ 10 or REPLY

[Monday 11:10] [ mood | scared ] [ music | the cranberries- linger ] i should have payed attention to all the little things. now i dont know what i am going to do. im scared for you. pay attention. dont ignore it. love is sacrafice. READ 5 or REPLY

[Sunday 11:46] [ mood | creative ] ( pictures finally! ) READ 6 or REPLY

[Thursday 01:32] [ mood | grateful ] i love jens moms. i cant wait to go home. i feel bad for sadie though. oc tonight should be amazing. i love prom. i hope to see everyone there tonight. boys.. this means you.. you know who you are.. see you there. REPLY

[Wednesday 08:10] [ mood | happy ] i love astrology. i am so predictable.(but not as much as you would think) mmm burger king at 8 in the morning.. my thighs will never get to a normal size at this rate.. maybe if i wasnt so tired all the time i would want to work out more.. size 9, here i come. READ 1 or REPLY

[Tuesday 07:43] [ mood | numb ] ( i am brand new ) REPLY

[Monday 10:40] i forgot about this. READ 15 or REPLY

[Monday 07:22] [ mood | bitchy ] NASCAR was amazing friday night. i had way too much fun. i got drunk and didnt pass out in a random place or throw up! it was too much of a good time. saturday i cut off a chunk of my finger nail. then ate too much and got sick. then drove around pir for 3 hours just to get jenna and drive all the way back to glendale just to have my phone calls and texts be "ignored".. then to find out that they werent ignored but it was too late cause i was already upset. all in all it was a bad night.. and i dont even want to think about sunday. but ultimately... friday made it all worth while.. next saturday my family is coming over to my house for a bbq..that should be interesting. i am still so tired.. why cant i catch up on my missed sleep? pamper me. READ 7 or REPLY

[Friday 07:40] my favorite comment of the day: "you just took a less manly situation and strapped some balls on it" i ♥ the edge. READ 1 or REPLY

[Thursday 07:33] [ mood | excited ] last night was fun. at first i was kinda bored. but then i just came out of that frame of mind and started drinking. i thought it was funny that they wouldnt let kevin drink, when i had already had one.. and we all know how close i am to being 21.. one turned into three and it was great. i even purchased one myself.. we should go there more often. even though i stayed awake way too late last night i dont feel too bad today, i was expecting it to be way worse. tomorrow is nascar. i am actually excited about going for 2 days.i probably wont stay saturday night though.. i hope today doesnt suck and that it goes by quickly.. i am just full of laughs. READ 2 or REPLY

[Wednesday 07:32] [ mood | bad ] i just have this aweful feeling that today is going to be another yesterday. my mind is still not at rest. but its too late to ask any more questions. i guess it doesnt matter because i usually forget them 5 minutes after i think to ask them. im just not in a good mood. tonight = workout then sleep. why is it only wednesday? i need friday to be here asap. READ 1 or REPLY

ugghh.. [Tuesday 12:06] story of my life. REPLY

my cheesy self. [Monday 02:01] [ mood | weird ] [ music | lord of the rings ] here is a list of beautiful things to look forward to. Pay checks. finding new music. getting free money. getting free food. getting free anything. holidays. meeting new people. not knowing what is going to happen tomorrow. having the ability to change everything. nascar. if you smoke, smoking. new movies. hanging out. always having someone there. pets. soda when you are feeling sleepy. finding something new to entertain yourself. the ocean. things that make you go "aawwee", and mean it. painting. and so much more. its hard to stay positive. i think i realize that more and more every day. i just try to remember that if i really needed it to be, tomorrow could be something completely different. and then the next day, it could be back the way i am used to it being.. but then again, it might not. who knows? the end. READ 1 or REPLY

[Monday 07:28] [ mood | sleepy ] this weekend was nice. i didnt get to sleep nearly as much as i wanted to. but thats ok, tonight is going to be a really early night, im talking after work out, im going to bed. i think everything is starting to catch up with me.. today im a little runny and coughy but i am sure it is just allergies and lack of sleep.. everything has been going really great lately. i mean with everything in life. i feel really lucky. and i think my good karma is catching up to me. it pays to care.. i brought a big bowl of fruit and some hard boiled eggs for jenna and i to eat for lunch today. i hope they still taste good at noon. lets all hope i dont fall asleep at work today.. ... i really cant wait for sleep.. i feel drunk.. READ 1 or REPLY

CHECK IT OUT! [Thursday 08:12] [ mood | excited ] [ music | tma ] so i hope everyone is free on saturday. we are having a house warming/ eric and lindsey got awesome jobs party. saturday. be there.. it is guarenteed a good time. bring meat. Sierra Canyon Apts on 67th and Bell. #2026 go in through the left entrance.. call us for the gate code. look for our cars, we park directly in front of our apt. READ 8 or REPLY

[Tuesday 06:59] [ mood | nervous ] we need help.. any kind would be greatly appreciated.. i would like to be able to sleep there tonight.. maybe even take a nap there after work.. i am so fucking excited.. p.s. horray for dads! READ 1 or REPLY

life is so homosexual some times. [Monday 01:03] [ mood | sheesh!! ] tomorrow is the day. i wish i could be there.. but i will help out after work. i am officially terrified of driving. i would like to say seeing that has made me a better driver, but now i am too scared, so i am that driver that everyone hates driving around.. lame i have a feeling my tax returns are going to come right when i need them.. all $100.00 of them.. the dieting is going good.. slowly but good.. i work out in private.. and i dont care what anyone says, i will do this at my own pace.. i hope that maybe this way, i wont quit. in a week (give or take) i will become more strict.. bbq 2 weeks.. my place. byob and swimming attire!! heated pool & jacuzzi = hell of a good time.. im hungry now, it's about time! READ 3 or REPLY

*laugh laugh laugh* [Thursday 10:11] [ mood | most good. ] [ music | FATA ] i just saw the max x where all those boys saved a deer.. and i was thinking and i doubt any one i know would try that hard to save a deer.. they would just say " no dude, that shit was stuck! *laugh laugh laugh**.. but i was happy that it was those boys coming across the deer, and not any boys i know... REPLY

[Tuesday 05:43] ive heard this song a thousand times. but i never really HEARD it until today.. Autumns Monologue Oh why can't I be what you need? A new improved version of me. But I'm nothing so good no, I'm nothing... just bones, a lonely ghost burning down songs of violence, of love, and of sorrow. I beg for just one more tomorrow! Where you'd hold me down, fold me in deep deep deep in the heart of your sins. I'd break in two over you I'd break in two and each piece of me dies and only you can give the breath of life! But you don't see me. You dont. Here I'm pinned between darkness and light, bleached and blinded by these nights. Where I'm tossing and tortured till dawn by you, visions of you, then you're gone. The shock bleeds the red from my face, when i hear someone's taken my place. How could love be so thoughtless, so cruel? When all, all that i did was for you... I'd break in two over you I'd break in two and each piece of me dies and only you can give the breath of life! But you dont see me. You don't. I'd break in two over you I'd break in two and each piece of me dies and only you can give the breath of life! But you don't see me. You don't. I'd break in two over you, I'd break in two over you! Over you I'd break in two, I would break in two for you. Now you see me, now you don't. Now you need me, now you don't. READ 6 or REPLY

[Tuesday 09:47] [ mood | grateful ] we found our home. its so nice, everyone is going to want to stay over.. which is fine because its big enough! im really happy about that, but not so happy about the being broke part.. i wish i would have planned better, or known that we really were moving into our place in a week and it wasnt good for me to spend money, hello buffalo! good bye new clothes.. things will work out though. i just need to be working instead of doing everything else!!!! my tax returns will help(which is like .01 cents)... but there has been a lot of hanging out and i am very happy for that, and it is soo good to be with everyone again.. ive missed you fuckers! READ 6 or REPLY

[Sunday 06:02] it's so good to be home. REPLY

[Friday 02:09] Child of the wilderness Born into emptiness Learn to be lonely Learn to find your way in darkness. Who will be there for you, comfort and care for you? Learn to be lonely Learn to be your one companion. Ever dreamed out in the world There are arms to hold you? You've always known Your heart was on its own. So laugh in your loneliness Child of the wilderness Learn to be lonely, Learn how to love life that is lived alone. Learn to be lonely, life can be lived life can be loved Alone. REPLY

[Friday 02:00] this is the new one.. it looks better in person, it was hard to take a picture of my shoulder blade. READ 1 or REPLY

i got a new tattoo. [Thursday 07:31] [ mood | happy ] eric approved.. thats how you know it looks good.. READ 5 or REPLY

[Wednesday 07:22] [ mood | out of my mind. ] [ music | learn to be lonely- phantom of the opera ] i have so many words on the tip of my tongue, but no lips to speak them. change is coming soon, i can feel it. but will it come soon enough? im feeling same-ol same-ol and, and thats not good. the scars remind me of how i used to be, and i wish i could remember why i changed. i cant eat with out feeling sick. i cant sleep without thinking myself insane. i cant think without getting a migrane. life is becoming way to stressful. i want to live at home again. i want to have nothing better to do but sleep, smoke, and drink. i want to feel high, without the drugs. who will give me the break that i need? ive been indoors my whole life, its time to take a step outside. im my worst enemy. im your worst critic. nothing that i just said is true. pfft.. right. READ 3 or REPLY

say you'll share with me one love, one life time. [Wednesday 07:20] im so fucking bored. READ 1 or REPLY

oh ill have my cake, and ill eat it too.. [Friday 09:10] [ mood | drunk ] how many days left? less than a week. thats how many.. life is so up and down, and strange. everything can (and does) change in a instant. my complete view of life changes on a daily basis.(some times on an hourly basis) i hope that everyone is ok. i wish there was some way i could just go home for a minute just to see everyone and make sure they were ok.. maybe someday, if im lucky enough.. i worry. i worry that there is something terribly wrong and no one wants to tell me because i will get upset. i hate not being there for whatever could happen next. this doesnt feel too much like home anymore.. you cant spell home with out homies...and i need some homies to make any place feel like home.. after all homies is where the home-is. hahaha.. im funny today. READ 2 or REPLY

tragic, yes. [Thursday 07:39] so today it was windy and nice all day.. then i get to work.. it starts to sprinkle.. then out of no where.. it is white out side.. i can not see the cars on the road or the building across from us.. it is so loud, people are yelling and kids are screaming.. all you could hear was noise.. just plain noise.. the building was shaking.. this lasted for like 5 minutes but it seemed like it was lasting alot longer.. i didnt know what to do. i was stunned, i had never seen anything like it before ever in my life. finally the rain starts to stop but the wind is still going and all i could hear was blowing and sirens and all i could see is trees bent in half.. at that point i was totally freaked out.. the door was flying open then a customer stopped it.. i couldnt move.. then it all just stops, and goes back to sprinkling like nothing happened.. i look out side and there is shit everywhere..a fucking roof is in the middle of the road.. the sirens are even louder than before powerlines had fallen in the road and there was news about a car that got blown off of the road just a couple miles down.. BLOWN off of the road. now anytime anything makes a sound i jump.. i thought i was going to fucking die. then, the phone starts ringing off of the hook, all three lines at once.. people asking about the classes and what to do and its a test week so parents are freaking out because they cant get their kids here and i am just soo tired all i say is " they can make up the missed time ", as if they dont already know that.. on top of it all, i have been working sense 8:00 this morning, and wont be done till 9:00 tonight and i am running on 3 doughnuts. im starving and sleepy and terrified.. david deaton karate studio is the very last place i want to be right now.. please, just let me go home. READ 5 or REPLY

[Tuesday 06:08] [ mood | happy ] hey so everything is awesome. congrats to gabe on being 21. we have the cuttest dog ever. her name is sadie, it makes me think of kim.. i just hope she lives as long. um... thats about it.. michelle will be here soooo fucking soon! oh and david too.. ;) woo! READ 8 or REPLY

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